Im happy but there is a heavy feeling of sadness in my heart that I just can't remove. Why am I like this?

Needless to say, my failed attempts to fix my sadness simply brought me more pain and suffering.

What I am trying to say is that when you stop trying to change yourself into something you are not, you give yourself the gift of discovering yourself as you already are.

In the absence of a should, I was free to be as I am.

Hallucinogens Linked to Milder PTSD - Neuroscience News

It’s difficult to put into words exactly what caused what, but to the best of my ability to describe it, I felt as if my will to keep fighting was beaten right out of me.

So if you are sad - like me - then be sad.

But no matter what I read or practiced, I could never make the sadness budge for longer than a few fleeting moments - and even then, it was likely due to me being distracted from the sensation of sadness rather than anything actually shifting.

Nintendo Switch 2: The Ars Technica review - Ars Technica

I was tired of trying and failing.

So I finally threw my hands up and said something to the tune of “fuck it, since I can't seem to change, I’ll just be whatever I am then.”

It wasn’t until about 10 years ago that I finally fell out of that ferris wheel of trying and failing to fix myself.

American Airlines plane diverted because it was too big to land at airport - WKRC

You are like me, then.

I was tired of fighting.

This interpretation lead me on a path of self improvement, to fix what I considered to be “wrong” with myself.

Why would a man be interested in an ordinary woman while there are very beautiful and fabulous women?

Your job is not to be the manager of your life, but the one who discovers yourself fully.

It’s still here.

What most people don’t know unless they’ve looked more closely is that there is also an element of deep, profound sadness that has always been with me since as long as I can remember.

Massive Asteroid Bigger Than the Empire State Building is Racing Toward Earth - The Daily Galaxy

But unlike before, there is no more resistance to the sadness.

You are the masterpiece you came here to discover.

Be who you already are.

My son is possessed, now he has psychosis. Can someone help me?

I had run out of hope.

For much of my adult life, I interpreted this sadness as something being wrong - with either myself or my life in general.

It’s here now, writing to you.

What can I do when I'm ugly on both outside and inside? What do I do? Cut myself off from the world to make everyones lives better? I'm a monster. I hurt feelings, and I say what was said to me. I feel like I'm nothing but a burden. What do I do?

It’s the most beautiful and liberating thing in the world.

The sadness was still there.

It’s impossible to overstate the freedom and peace I discovered, and I realized the only one who had been keeping those from me was… me and my imagined standards and expectations for how I had imagined I should be.

Thousands of galaxies revealed in a single Webb image - Earth.com

When I stopped trying to force myself to be something I am not, I gave myself the freedom of being who I am.

Most people that know me would probably describe me as a social, happy, and somewhat quirky person with a twisted sense of humor.

And the sadness?

This Device Pulls Clean Drinking Water Out of the Air - VICE

Now, this may sound like a story of failure and giving up, but it’s actually a story of liberation.

Without resistance, sadness has a sense of beauty and depth I cannot find otherwise in life.